Addictions

addictionSee this photo?  This is my photo of shame.  For some reason, these cookies are like crack cocaine to me.  I have just eaten the entire package and I can feel my body beginning to shut down as it prepares to go into a sugar-induced coma.  To counter this, I washed them down with a cup of coffee.  Since I stopped drinking coffee about 18 months ago, the caffeine is now coursing through my bloodstream like a guided missile – and I find myself blinking rapidly and talking like I was from Brooklyn.  I do not keep these cookies in my house because I know bad things would happen.  Like I would sit down and eat an entire case of them in one afternoon and then have to go jog for twelve hours to come down from my sugar high.  Then I would crawl in bed and sleep for three days.

Unfortunately, these cookies are in the vending machine at a client’s office.  Every time I go there, I give myself a stern talking to in advance.  “You will not eat those cookies,” becomes my mantra.  Then throughout the meetings I hear the cookies singing to me like little sirens.  Eventually I break down and go buy a package, but I tell myself, “Just eat three wafers and throw the rest away.”

I actually did that today.  But then I went and pulled the package out of the trashcan when nobody was looking.  And ate the rest of them.  Since it was a conference room trash can, it only had paper in it, so I’m hoping that I won’t catch a horrible disease.  I’m also hoping that the vending machine breaks sometime in the near future.  Because let’s face it – at my age, we all know that the sugar and fat go immediately to my hips and butt, where they take up permanent residence next to the bacon I had yesterday.  I see a treadmill in my near future…

 

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Categories: Health, Observations

5 replies

  1. The first step is recognizing you have a problem. There are 11 other ones 🙂 I swore off sugar and have lost 70 pounds. I have to handcuff myself around Thin Mint time….

  2. Very funny and, oh, how I can relate! Well said.

  3. Too funny. Thanks for the laughs.

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