“Holy cow, Ophelia!  What the hell did you do to your boobs?”

“Isn’t it obvious Kelly?  I got a boob job.”

“I’ll say.  They are really something.  What made you decide to do this now?”

“I just got tired of having really small boobs so I gave myself a present.”

“Man.  I’ll probably stare at your boobs all weekend.  Don’t be offended.  How did you come up with that size?”

“I took a bunch of socks and went to Victoria’s Secret.  I just kept trying on bras and stuffing them with socks until I got to a size that I liked.  Then I checked out the bra and it was a 34 D so that is what I went with.”

“I guess that is one way of figuring out what size you want.”

“So here is what I need to know.  When I date a new guy and when we get to the part where, well, you know, stuff happens, do you think I should admit they are fake?”

“Ophelia, they enter a room 3 minutes before you.  I think he will know.”

“Well, I’m not sure.  I mean, why admit they are fake unless I have to?  The only problem is that I don’t know what big boobs feel like.  I mean, real boobs.  So I don’t know if he’ll be able to tell the difference.”

“……….”

“……….”

“Ophelia, I see where this is going and I am not comfortable.”

“C’mon Kelly, I need to know.”

“I cannot believe you are asking to feel my boobs.”

“Well, I can’t ask anyone else.  You’re my best friend, now come on!  I need to know if I have to tell the guy or not.”

“Alright, fine.  But I’ve never felt fake boobs, so I get to feel yours too.”

“Okay, that’s fair.”

“But listen Ophelia, there will be NO NIPPLE INVOLVEMENT.  Got it??  No touching nipples.”

“Gross Kelly, I’m definitely not going to do that!”

“Okay, then fine.  I just wanted to set some ground rules.”

45 seconds later…..

“Oh wow, they’re really rubbery.”

“Well yours are squishy, Kelly!!!”

“Ophelia, mine are real.  They are supposed to be squishy.”

“Damn, this means the guy will be able to tell, huh?”

“Yes, I’m pretty sure he’ll be able to tell.  They are sort of like really thick balloons filled with water.”

“Hmm.  Okay.  Well, thanks for cooperating.”

“Hey, what are friends for if you can’t feel their boobs once in a while?”

Categories: Friends & Relationships, Observations, The Unexpected