Fourteen Things to do when you are feeling passive aggressive and annoyed with your husband:
1. Wait until he’s taking a shower, pee (so you can look virtuous) and flush the toilet. Twice.
2. Stack the dishwasher in the most bizarre, space wasting way possible and leave it open for him to notice.
3. Hang your panties and bras around the bathroom.
4. Go to the Dollar Store and purchase about 28 different types of shampoo, body wash, skin cleanser, conditioner, shaving cream, body scrub and loofahs and spread them all over the bathtub/shower stall.
5. Shave your legs and armpits with his razor.
6. Get a really nice pedicure with bright red polish. Wait three weeks, trim your toenails and leave the bright red clippings on the floor right in front of his side of the bathroom sink.
7. Make a big deal of taking him out to lunch and then go to a place that serves tea sandwiches and soup. Ask to be seated next to the table of old ladies from the local Red Hat Society.
8. Stop shaving your legs and armpits for a while.
9. Find a local pottery-making class and sign both of you up for a six week couples course.
10. Go to Victoria’s Secret and buy the sexiest negligee you can find. Leave it hanging on a hook in the closet and never actually put it on.
11. Make him listen to you read your favorite passages from “Leaves of Grass” by Walt Whitman.
12. Make him look at you the entire time you are talking to him. Preferably about your relationship. Do not let him multi-task.
13. When he isn’t home, go to his computer keyboard and carefully insert super glue into the “e” key so it won’t depress. (There are 20 “e’s” in #13 alone.)
14. Re-arrange the furniture once a week for several weeks.