It would appear that Amie may have picked up her grandmother’s habit of blurting out totally inappropriate statements when you least expect it.  Earlier today we were on our way out to go shopping when she walked over to a big bucket sitting in the garage.

“Grandma, what are these?”

“Honey, those are Grandpa’s practice golf balls.  He keeps them in that bucket.”

“Why are they all different colors?”

“That is so they are easy to find in the grass.  What colors do you see there?”

“Blue, orange, yellow and white.  They’re so pretty!”

“Yes they are sweetheart.  Now lets get in the car, we have to go buy you some clothes.  Then we’re going to get your toenails painted.”

I then proceeded to spend two extremely long and painful hours visiting three different stores looking for pants that would (a) fit Amie’s long legs and bubble butt and (b) pass the inspection of an extremely opinionated three and a half year old.

After finishing our shopping spree we stopped by a mani/pedi spa so Amie could get her toenails painted with silver and gold sparkles.  Upon leaving the store we got into our 1,343rd argument of the afternoon.

“Grandma Kelly, I want to go that way down the mall.”

“No Amie, we have to go this way because Daddy is meeting us at the restaurant for dinner.  Its time for you to go home.”

“No Grandma, please!  I want to keep playing with you.  I don’t want to go home.”

“Well Amie, Grandma is old and tired.  I need to go home and relax and maybe have a glass of Granny juice.  So we need to go find Daddy and have dinner now.”

“PLEASE GRANDMA, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CAN WE GO TO YOUR HOUSE FIRST?” shouted Amie as we walked through the crowded mall.  “I WANT TO PLAY WITH GRANDPA’S BALLS SOME MORE BEFORE WE GO SEE DADDY!!!!!”

Its 9:30 pm now and I’m just quietly sitting in my home office waiting for child protection services to show up at my door.  I’m sure its only a matter of time.

Categories: Family, The Unexpected