“Now that I have introduced all of you to each other via email, I’ll leave you on your own to follow up. Anyone copying me on further correspondence will be killed.”
“Dear (our graphic designer): Please see the attached, which was designed by our IT department. I need you to slap some lipstick on that pig. Thank you.”
“Dear (name deleted), I’m sorry I took so long to respond with my edits. After I read your first draft I had to go take a nap.”
“Good grief (name deleted), there are thousands of people your age and younger running multi-million dollar tech companies. Stop second-guessing yourself. If you screw up, other than being forced to shave your head nothing bad will happen.”
“Don’t feel bad about what happened this morning. If it makes you feel any better, I once accidentally went to work with no clothes on.”
TXT to employee: “I need you to come into this meeting and make up some emergency and get me the hell out of here or I’m going to hurt this person.”
IM to person conducting webinar: “Thank you for inviting me to your webinar. But you are now so far over my head technically that my hair hurts. I’m going to jump off this call and go do something easier, like quantum physics.”
Categories: Observations, Work
Did I say that out loud? 
Kelly, only you can get away with such outrageous statements and demands. But lordy, I totally identify with all of them, particularly the “get me out of this meeting”!
I’d like to use a few of those. May I? You crack me up, Kelly. You remind me of…Simon…on Am.Idol now on the X-Factor. Clearly you two talk out loud (no pun intended).