Golf Lessons

4:00 pm Tuesday

“Hi Dave, do you remember me?”
“Yes, of course Kelly.  Its been about 8 years, right?”
“So why have you signed up for a golf lesson today?”
“I have been invited to attend the mid Atlantic sales meeting to present marketing stuff and it kicks off with an event at Golf World in Alexandria this week and I haven’t swung a golf club since my last lesson with you 8 years ago when you yelled at me.”
“I never yelled at you, Kelly.”
“Yes you did Dave.  I complained that I still sucked after six months of golf lessons and you turned around and yelled, ‘Kelly, if you want to get any better at golf then you NEED TO BRING MORE THAN ONE CLUB.”
“I said that?”
“Yep.  It made no sense to me to buy more clubs when I couldn’t hit a ball with the one I have, but apparently it does.”
“Oh yes, I remember now.  You owned a 6 iron.”
“Dave, at the time I didn’t even know they had numbers.  Lucky for you  I’ve since lost the club, so I’m here empty handed.  I’m sure that’s a good thing.”

Ten minutes later.

“Dave, why are you setting up that video camera?”
“To tape you so you can see how you’re doing.”
“Dave, don’t even think about taping me, I have no desire to see myself on film.”
“Well, I’m going to send it to you anyway, with some helpful hints.”
“Dave, you don’t get it.  After today, you’ll never see me again.  It’s over between us.  I just need to re-learn how to swing a stupid club long enough to not look like an idiot on Thursday.”
“That’s not a very good attitude, Kelly.”
“Dave, the enthusiasm I had for this stupid game 8 years ago remains unchanged.  Trust me.”

Twenty minutes later.

“Dave, sweat is going into my eyes.”
“Its part of golf, Kelly.  But you have a great swing.”
“DO NOT TELL MY HUSBAND!!! Then he’s going to want me to do this shit with him all the time.”
“Your secret is safe with me.”
“Dave, I think I just ate a bug.”

Ten minutes later.

“Kelly, that was perfect.  You’re doing great.”
“Good, because I’m done.”
“What do you mean, you’re done?”
“Dave, I’m sweating, bugs are biting me, I’m getting a bruise from where that one ball richoched off the column and hit my shin and my glasses won’t stay on my nose.  This is a stupid sport and I’m done.”
“I’ll send you your video, Kelly.”
“Good grief!  GOODBYE DAVE!  And remember, if you see my husband, you NEVER SAW ME HERE.”

Categories: Observations

1 reply

  1. OMG! I have a golf event coming up too and I’m terrified to embarrass myself in front of a bunch of chest-pounding guys! I’m so proud of you for going to see Dave! You go girl!

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