Well, I just tried to give myself my first bikini wax. I am now covered in pink sticky wax. It is everywhere – my desk, my hands, the microwave, my underwear, my leg, my pants, the garbage can and quite possibly, my cat.
How did I get here, you ask? It all started with the question, “how hard can it be?”.
- I bought the kit a week ago.
- I realized at 10:55 am today that it was my anniversary tonight so I better get this wax thing taken care of.
- I had to attend a training webinar at 11 am. I figured I could just mute my phone and watch the slides on my computer.
- The microwave is downstairs anyway.
- I figured it wouldn’t be that complicated.
- So I heated up the wax in the microwave. While stirring I got pink wax on the handle of the microwave.
- I carried the kit into my office (making sure I was on mute), dropped my pants and sat at my desk chair with my pants down around my ankles.
- I prayed that nobody would come to the front door.
- I got wax on the desk while I was trying to apply it to my right thigh.
- I got wax on my pants, my chair, and my underwear (which I had left on because it is a bikini wax after all)
- The cat decided to inspect what I was doing and got too close to the applicator. I yelled at her (and double checked to make sure I was still on mute.)
- I had to touch the laptop because the screen had gone black and got it on the laptop.
- I put that stupid strip of muslin on the wax on my leg and double checked to make sure I was still on mute.
- I ripped off the strip of muslin and screamed “God….bless America” at the top of my lungs.
- The DHL guy dropped a package off at my front door and rang the doorbell. I hope he did not look in the side window.
- I threw the strip of muslin into the trash can where it stuck on the side.
- I tried to take off the remaining wax with the remover in the box because there is no frigging way I’m doing that again. (For the record, the wax remover is worthless.)
- I applied the “soothing lotion” that came in the kit but it is tinted for what appears to be an Asian woman. So my leg is now pale white, hot pink and beige, depending on where you look.
- I also have a small bruise on my thigh and how the hell that got there, I have no idea. I still have splotches of hair in a few places and in others I am missing a layer of skin.
I have decided to shave the left side.
Anyone who would like to have a barely used GiGi Crème Wax Microwave Formula Hair Removal System formulated specially for sensitive skin please let me know.
Categories: The Unexpected