Normally, when a guy gives you a double-take, it is meant as a compliment. At least, this is how I prefer to interpret the move. Unfortunately, by the look on the stranger’s face this morning in the parking lot of 7-11, it was clearly not meant as a compliment. Walking into the store to buy some milk, I saw my reflection in the glass door and everything clicked:
- Last night I decided to deep moisturize my hair so I rubbed it down with an expensive leave-in-all-night conditioner.
- I got up at the butt-crack of dawn this morning to go workout.
- I forgot to look at myself in the mirror before I left the house. I also forgot I had deep conditioned my hair.
- The class I took this morning was so intense I had to stop three times so I wouldn’t throw up.
All four of these points came together in a perfect storm. My greasy, bed-head hair was glued to my head in the front, but sticking up all over in the back. My face was red except for my nose, which was a sort of neon pink. I had sweat stains on the neck and armpits of my t-shirt. I was so hot that I had pulled up the legs of my spandex capri’s and rolled them over my knees, where they sort of bit into the flesh of my pale white (forgot to go to the tanning spa) legs. I was so shocked when I saw myself in that glass door I yelped.
The only good part about this whole episode is that I was not in Walmart. If I ever end up on PeopleofWalmart, I will kill myself.