“Dr. K, it’s Kelly Harman. I need to talk to you about the boys.”
“Hello Mrs. Harman, how can I help you?”
“Well, quite frankly I think at least one of my three boys is has the makings of a serial killer. It could be more than one, I’m not sure. So since you are their pediatrician I figured I’d better call you to discuss this.”
“Well, that’s quite a concern. What are they doing to make you feel this way?”
“It’s more of a series of events actually. Last week their father opened a beer and poured it into a mug he keeps in the freezer. And as he was taking his first sip, something black floated to the top of the beer! As it turns out, it was a dead cricket. Apparently the boys wanted to see what would happen if they froze the cricket.
Then on Monday I came home to find a horrible black slime on my kitchen counters. It was awful. When I asked the boys what happened, they informed me that apparently if you put BenGay muscle rub on a cricket, it melts.
And now today I’ve come home from work and there are ten dead crickets nailed to our side fence – all in a perfect row.”
“Hmm, well Mrs. Harman I can see why this might be a bit upsetting.”
“Upsetting!! Upsetting! Of course it’s upsetting! I CANNOT TURN AROUND IN MY OWN HOUSE WITHOUT FINDING A CRICKET THAT HAS DIED IN SOME HORRIBLE MANNER!! Isn’t this the beginning signs of a serial killer?”
“Well, I have good news and bad news for you, Mrs. Harman.”
“Oh my God, what is it?”
“Well, the good news is that your boys are fine. As long as they stick to crickets you have absolutely nothing to worry about, all boys do this. If they move to mammals, THEN you have a problem.”
“Huh. What’s the bad news then?”
“Unfortunately, you’ve got about three more months of cricket season. You may want to establish some ground rules at your house.”
“You know Dr. K, in a sort of weird and sick way, this has been a very reassuring conversation. Thank you.”
“My pleasure, Mrs. Harman.”