Great Balls of Fire

If you’ve been married for longer than six and a half minutes then you’ve had a fight with your spouse that seemed extremely horrible at the time but three months later you can’t even remember why you were angry.  This was the case with Bob and I a while ago.  He’d behaved very badly and I was furious.  I cannot remember why I was so mad at him, but if I could remember and I told you what he’d done you would be shocked and appalled.

Regardless, I found myself sitting in my chair in the family room watching him walk upstairs while I silently fumed.  “I don’t even know why I’m married to him,” I thought.  I also thought of a few other things that I can’t put in this blog because it would do irreparable damage to my children if they read it.

About 20 minutes later, after I’ve already decorated my new condo in my head (the one where I live alone), Bob comes downstairs and takes my hand.  “Come with me,” he says.  “As an apology I’ve drawn you a bath.”

Shocked to silence, I let him lead me upstairs into the master bathroom.  Our whirlpool tub was full of bubbles.  Candles surround the tub providing a soft glow in the room and on the edge of the bath sat a a glass of cold white wine and two squares of dark chocolate.  I was in heaven.  Bob kissed me and said, “I’ll be downstairs when you’re done, just relax and enjoy yourself.”

It took me about 4 seconds to get undressed and into the bath.  “Maybe I won’t divorce him after all,” I thought to myself.

Needless to say Bob was somewhat surprised when I appeared in the family room in my bathrobe about eight minutes later.  “I thought you’d be longer,” he said as his eyes went from the football game on the TV, back to me, and then back to the game.

“Well Bob,” I replied.  “I thought so too.   And I need to know that some day, in the future, you will do this for me again.  As for tonight, I gotta tell you that everything was perfect, just perfect, right up until the cat caught on fire.”

Yes, you read that right.  My stupid cat caught on fire.

There I was, lying in the tub with bubbles all around me and chocolate on my tongue when I heard the strangest sound come from my cat Sadie, who was behind me on the edge of the whirlpool very close to one of the candles.  Then suddenly the air was filled with the smell of burning hair.

“What the…,” I exclaimed as I whipped around to see my cat standing there with smoke coming from her belly.  I stood up in the tub, grabbed the cat and started rubbing her stomach to put out the fire.  Being a thankful cat, Sadie then jumped from my arms, leaving several scratches, a pile of cat hair and some ashes on my naked body.

After rinsing off, the mood was gone and I didn’t really feel like sitting in a pool of cat hair ashes.  Besides, I’d already eaten the chocolate.

So now when Bob or I have a really bad day, we say, “everything was going great until the cat caught on fire….”

Categories: The Unexpected


3 replies

  1. I’m crying as I read this…..I’m sorry about the cat…and the stench, no doubt….but indeed I’ve had days where the cat caught on fire. Thanks for sharing!


  1. Raining Cats | Did I say that out loud?

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