“Why are tennis balls in the fruit bowl?”

“They are for my butt.”

“Pardon me?”

“My butt, Bob, they are for my butt.”

I’ve had back problems for 28 years.  Coincidentally, the same age as my son Gary.   I think it has something to do with my hips spreading out to give birth to what was basically a watermelon and never really popping back into place properly. It has gotten progressively worse and my back gives me fits at least once or twice a year. And of course there is a domino effect. So when my sciatica nerve acts up everything gets tight – in particular my right butt cheek. I think it has something to do with my scoliosis. (I told you I had back problems.) So I’m on a never ending quest to dissolve the knot in my right butt cheek. A girlfriend of mine told me to try using a tennis ball.

“Just lie on the floor and put the tennis ball under your butt cheek,” she said. “It’s like accupressure.”

So I begged a tennis ball off another girlfriend and brought it home to try this new butt exercise. I’m willing to try at least once. And this seems less invasive than acupuncture and less messy than soaking in warm castor oil, which is totally gross and NOT anything I would recommend. And THAT is how I ended up lying on the living room floor grinding my butt cheek into a tennis ball looking like something out of one of those 2 a.m. Cinemax movies when my husband walked back into the room.

“Now what are you doing?”

“I’m using my butt ball.”

“You look kind of silly.”

“It’s supposed to get rid of the knot in my right butt cheek. It’s a form of acupressure.”

“Whatever. I’m going to go watch the game. Keep me posted on your butt.”

For the record, it’s hard to rotate your butt cheek on a tennis ball when you’re lying on the floor. It is also hard to keep the ball in between your butt and the wall if you try this standing up. However, I’m happy to report that once you figure out a good system (mine is on the floor) it really does help break up the knot in your muscle. I had so much success with my butt cheek that I tried it on my upper shoulder muscles, my ham strings and the bottom of my feet. I have since decided to go out and buy an ENTIRE SLEEVE of tennis balls so I’m prepared for any knot. Bring it on.

Categories: Health