“Pat, it’s Kelly.” “Hey, hon. What’s up?” “When I die I need you to be in charge of my funeral.” “Kelly, is there something you need to tell me?” “No, don’t be silly. I’m perfectly fine. But I had a… Read More ›
Family
Privacy for a 3 1/2 Year Old
“Grandma, I have to poop!” “Well, let’s go to the bathroom.” “Grandma, you can’t stay in here. I need my PRIVACY!!!” “Oh, well, what if I turn around and don’t look?” “NO GRANDMA, I CAN DO THIS MYSELF, I NEED… Read More ›
Romance after 21 Years Part 2
Surrounded by the soft glow of candles, drinking a wonderful Zinfandel and feeling very romantic, I turn to my husband. “What are you thinking about, Bob?” “Kelly, I know you hope I’m thinking romantic thoughts. But men just aren’t that… Read More ›
Potty training is not for sissies
“Where’s her diaper bag?” I asked my son as he was dropping off my granddaughter. “Amie is potty trained, she doesn’t need a diaper bag any more,” he replied. Amie promptly pulled down her pants to show me her big… Read More ›
How to manage a perimenopausal wife
Kelly: Why do you breathe so loud? What is wrong with you! You don’t hear me breathing that loud – now stop it!! Bob: <lean to the left> Kelly: Get out of my space! You have the whole couch, why… Read More ›
Why Bob is a saint, reason #433
“Bob. I just wrapped another present for you and put it under the tree.” “Another present?” “Yes, I think you should know I’m buying you lots and lots of presents. Lots.” …“How many is ‘lots’?” “Tons.” “How much money are… Read More ›
The Story of My Thanksgiving
By popular demand, I am publishing the letter I sent to my friends the day after Thanksgiving: The joke each Thanksgiving is that I assign a dish to everyone in the family except my bachelor brother, who is in charge… Read More ›
Toot
“toooooot” “Grandma, did you hear that?” “Yes Eli, I did.” “I farted Grandma.” “Yes Eli, I know.”
More Good News
My phone rang at work today. “Hi Mom, what’s up?” “I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?” Hmm, I try to remember if I’ve heard any recent family updates that I’m supposed to… Read More ›
Food Is Love
To me, food is love. Salty, sweet, savory, succulent food. The width of my hips will attest to this passionate love affair. Apparently, my granddaughter has inherited this same passion. It will serve her well in life. Everyone loves a… Read More ›
Did I say that out loud? 